In her book, I'm Still Here, author Austin Channing Brown described the act of challenge for transformation. In context, people may say something racist (or offensive) and recognize the err and apologize for it. In many cases it becomes more of a social courtesy rather than having any real intent to change. In chapter 4 or 5, the author discusses the discord around race and how it is centered around whiteness. The act of apologizing often so the offender feels better; not for the individual who was wronged. Not accepting the apology would be a social misstep, even if the apology was meaningless.
Instead of accepting the apology and moving on, Austin Channing Brown will challenge for transformation. She will ask the individual what are you going to do differently now? This is a great question to get people to think about their behavior and how to change it. Apologizes don't automatically lend themselves to transformation. It is important for individuals to think about their actions and how to change those in the future. When people are genuinely sorry, they will want to change behavior. Asking them directly will give them a chance to think about it. If they are not interested in changing their behavior they may get upset, but that is ok. Their apology needs not be accepted because they are not interested in doing things differently, they are just interested in saving face.
An apology without change is empty. Challenge for transformation.
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