I'm Sorry

I've come to the realization that I have to apologize to myself. For far too long, I have allowed my employers to make me feel that I am "lucky" to have a job or that I am "fortunate" to be working for them. I have allowed myself to internalize these feels and have convinced myself to think that I am worth less that my current circumstance. I have allowed myself to reinforce these beliefs with denied opportunities and have questioned by own competencies and qualifications. I regularly defer any type of group recognition to the group for success while also taking sole responsibilities for failures and shortcomings. I feel the need to be overqualified to even compete with those who are barely qualified. 

So, I am sorry. I am sorry I allowed other's devaluation of my skill and competence to question my own worth. I am sorry I allow myself to settle for less because I have internalized messages that I am lucky to work for an organization. More importantly, I am sorry for questioning what I know about myself and not having the internal strength to fight against socialized norms that don't always fit me. 

I am quite and introverted. I reflect and think. I believe my words should be heard so I refrain from just creating noise. I am not the person to introduce myself to everyone in the room, but I am the person to develop deep connections with others. What I lack in charisma I make up for in wisdom. What I lack in knowledge and skill I make up for in an eagerness to learn and humility. 

As I think about where I am in life and where I want to go, I know that my perspectives have to change. A true apology requires a change in behavior. 

Challenge for Transformation

In her book, I'm Still Here, author Austin Channing Brown described the act of challenge for transformation. In context, people may say something racist (or offensive) and recognize the err and apologize for it. In many cases it becomes more of a social courtesy rather than having any real intent to change. In chapter 4 or 5, the author discusses the discord around race and how it is centered around whiteness. The act of apologizing often so the offender feels better; not for the individual who was wronged. Not accepting the apology would be a social misstep, even if the apology was meaningless. 

Instead of accepting the apology and moving on, Austin Channing Brown will challenge for transformation. She will ask the individual what are you going to do differently now? This is a great question to get people to think about their behavior and how to change it. Apologizes don't automatically lend themselves to transformation. It is important for individuals to think about their actions and how to change those in the future. When people are genuinely sorry, they will want to change behavior. Asking them directly will give them a chance to think about it. If they are not interested in changing their behavior they may get upset, but that is ok. Their apology needs not be accepted because they are not interested in doing things differently, they are just interested in saving face. 

An apology without change is empty. Challenge for transformation. 

Stop acting with yesterday's logic

 

Doing the right things